What a horrible day yesterday was! I felt really down and depressed and I gave in. I had 2 pieces of pizza, some chips, haribos and chocolate buttons. Now I actually feel worse than I did yesterday. Great. I dont even want to know how much I gained but I feel hugeeeeeeeeee. Yesterdays binge was so not worth all the hassle I feel today. At least I know now I wont be doing that again for a long time, I'm pretty sure the next time I eat like that will be Christmas. So to make up for being so stupidly weak I am fasting all day today and only eating 80 calories tomorrow and for the rest of the week. Tomorrow on my ABC diet I'm supposed to have 800 calories - Like hell am I doing that. My lack of self control yesterday is embarrasing. My aunt came down again today and she said I was looking thinner ! I dont know how I fell the size of a truck. Anyways, sorrry for such a depressing post, I just seriously needed to get this off my chest.
Hopefully everyone is doing better than me, much love x
So I am well into my fourth week on the ABC diet, tomorrow is my 100 calorie day. Its going alright but tbh I'm struggling to find low calorie foods that I like so I am basically just sticking to 0cal jelly and celery - a balanced diet I know haha. I am seeing results but its just really slow atm. I am still to scared to weigh myself, which is just really shitting as I don't know how much weight I've lost or put on but my clothes are starting to get too big (yay!). If only they all get reaaalllly big then I'd have a perfect excuse to shop for new ones tehe. I thought I would feel really tired and lethargic on this diet but surprisingly I feel great. Somedays I have a bad spell and get slightly depressed but a can of SF red bull usually changes my mood :) Lately I've been super cold, everyone else is fine and I am absolutely freezing, I mean its only October it cant be that chilly right? Anyhow I've resorted to wearing four layers to school now, one including thermals; of course I hate this as it makes me look mega fat and chucky, but it beats being cold I guess :P Tomorrow I'm going into town with my mum to get a dress for my boyfriend's birthday, I'm soooo excited but I havent got a clue what to get. I want to look sexy and confident but not like trashy and cheap. Hmmm...
My school's prom is coming up in January and my best friend is stressing as she hasnt found her dress yet, personally I'm not bothered as I plan to lose at least a stone and a half by then; well fingers crossed. I want to look pretty and slim and elegant, although I'd have to have hugeeee heels as I am a dotty 5ft 4. I am planninf to wear black as black is slimming and wont make me look to fat. Anyways I'm addicted to Haribos! The star mix, the tangfastics, any ones haha. I normally have a few a day and by a few I literally mean about 4, say about 40cals>? I add them to my calorie intake so it's hardly cheating, I think :P Lately no matter what I do, how much weight I think I've lost my thighs always stay the same damn size, I'm a 6/8 on top and a 10 on my legs! It looks really odd, I mean their quite toned but still so fat, I just wish they would shrink and be the same size as the top of my body. I'd lovee to be a cheerleader, I love dancing but as I live in Britain we dont really tend to have them over here which is preetty gutting. Had a pretty good day today, I ate one bowl of 50calls soup and Diet Coke, I really need to start drinking more water tho lol.
How come every time I fast I always end up crying>? I'm not good when I don't eat, I get really moody and sooo emotional. I have another fast on Saturday on the ABC diet, although I'm planning to stay in all day saturday to revise for my exams, a bit nerdy I know but oh well haha, and my mother is going to be probably staying in too. She WILL notice me not eating, I havent a clue what to do. Are you allowed to swap days around on the abc? Lately I have been getting a reallly bad back, I donno if that's a side effect to not eating or it's just to do with the fact I am hunched over a desk for hours on end every day..... Sorry for my bit of a moan, I really am stumped at what to do. Anyways, I am planning to make Smartie Cookies tomorrow with my little cousin, I wont be able to have any, but at least they'll make her happy :) Dreading it tho as I really hope I've got enough will power to resist them aha. I misss being little and getting excited of the most simplest of things, like swings and big puddles haha and oh yeah, being able to eat what you like, when you like without giving a fuck :P
I have decided I am going to continue with this ABC diet until there is enough of a gap between my thighs that I am happy with. Of course this is going to take ages as my thighs are oddly proportioned to the rest of my body (their huge !) The good thing is my mother thinks I am eating at school and then when I come home I continue with "I ate a big lunch" and go straight to my room to revise. My mother is happy as long as I'm happy and dieting makes me happy so why should she worrie? I think thats what her and my aunt rowed about today tbh because my Auntie notices every pound lost and every pound gained and can be overly concerned sometimes. I have been keeping my callories down to below 200, I know this is really unhealthy but I have an anniversary to go to at the end of the month and reaaaaallly need to fit into my dress and not look fat in it. I lost an inch off of my waist when I measured this morning so that put me in a pretty good mood when I went into school, which was then crushed when i found out I had maths first period, I was 26" now I'm 25" :D Anyways, I have a whole evening of revision to do today as I have my exams coming up, Fab.
Hope everyone is feeling fine, keep your eye on your goal weight guys, lots of loveee :)
So today I went up my Aunties and all she did was question me about my weight; "Are you eating right?" "What did you have for breakfast?" "How much do you weigh?" "Are you sure your not under weight?" Blah blah blah, I mean bless her I love her for caring and all but sometimes it gets a bit much. She used to be anorexic in her teens and has always questioned me about my weight ever since I was little, I used to be about 3-4stone over weight when I was younger. I know I'm not overweight now but I would still like to be smaller. Lately I have been averaging on about 200-350 calls a day when I'm not fasting. On the ABC diet it says to eat as much as 500 calories on a couple of days, would it make a difference if I went a bit lower than that? I know I wont lose weight over night, it's gonna take it's time but I cant help but feel impatient haha. Stay strong guys, it'll all be worth it in the end...
I'm on my first fast in the ABC diet today, I havent broken it yet which I am pretty pleased with. My mother noticed I wasnt eating much, so I now tell her I have food in school and while she was in work today I made myself a bowl of Super-noodles which I threw down the drain but left the pan and bowl out. Thankfully she bought it and now isn't questioning me any more. Today in school i found out I had 85% in my physics test, I was so upset as my average is 95! I came home and cried for hours, silly I know but it just really upset me. Maybe it's this lack of food that is making me so emotional lately idk. Also I am seriously struggling trying to juggle my revision, netball and drama practise on top of actually living my life. It seems I have put my life on hold atm as so many subjects are so demanding with course work, mocks, exams, revision. I swear if it doesnt pull to a stop I might burst. Screw exercise atm I seriously havent the time, which I hate myself for. At least my calorie intake is never more than 300 a day and I am constantly on my feet. On a happier note aha; Really excited as Christmas is only 79 days aways, seems loads but the time will fly. Christmas is my favourite holiday as everyone is happy, celebrating and your with your family. I am hoping to get a part time job so I can afford to buy everyone quality presents but I might be stretching myself a bit too thin there haha.
Went shopping with the girls today, spent about 100quid on baring anything. You know it's scary how easily you could spend money, magazines, drinks etc it all adds up haha. I guess I burned a load of callories walking around the shops for hours on end. Even tho I was shopping today I couldnt help but feel low, I still cant see results from my weight loss. How quickly should it take for your trousers to just be a little bit too big? I am eating no more than 400 caloires a day, what am I doing wrong? Maybe I should try some diet pills, I wouldnt have a clue what ones to buy and what ones work haha. Tbh I feel pretty useless atm :/